he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
