She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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