my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
