they said they heard you say put it in my butt
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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