While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
