i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
