There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
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