I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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