the day after is always just damage control
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
