Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
