a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
