Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
