I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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