there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
