i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
