We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
