if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
