I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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