Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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