I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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