Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
im on a boat
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