i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize