I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
