I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
