It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
