Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
