in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
