I want to stick my p in your. b.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
