does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
