I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
she told me i tasted like america
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
