the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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