I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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