somebody snuck up and got me drunk
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
