is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
