Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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