stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
