He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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