can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
