i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Terrible idea I love it
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
