I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
