My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
