After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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