the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
