Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
