i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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