I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
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