and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Of course I have a pirate flag
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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