Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
