So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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