office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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