everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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