my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
