remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
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