I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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