Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
