I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Did we literally take a cab across the street
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
