Duck Duck Cougar?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
