It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
