did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
