I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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