ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
