I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
