He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize