no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
