And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
