I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
