bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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