You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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