Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
