I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
