just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
