I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Randomize
