Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
