do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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